Small cultural aha! moment

[ellarien]

When I first moved here, I realized rather quickly that the American usage of 'Excuse me' in circumstances of interpersonal collision or near-miss differs from the British, but I've never quite been able to specify the difference. Thanks to a post elsewhere on LJ, I think I've got it now.

Americans say 'Excuse me' when they've already bumped into you (for values of 'bump into' up to and including 'pass within four feet', which is deeply confusing to a former Londoner.) The English, on the other hand, tend to use it pre-emptively, as fair warning to the other person to get out of the way before being bumped; the proper thing to say after a collision is 'Sorry.'

Therefore, to a British ear (at least to mine) the American usage comes across as a mildly snarky reproof, though I don't think it's meant that way. I have no idea what the pre-emptive British usage does to American nerves, but I do wonder if the reported Canadian usage of 'Sorry' on being bumped into is an odd hybrid of the two. Or is that just a myth?

Comments

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

No, Northerners (not just Canadians!) totally do apologize when bumped. Sorry-for-being-in-your-way, really.

But sometimes we say, "Excuse me," before bumping people, too. It's an additional use, not an alternative one.

[ellarien]

We-Americans or We-northerners?

I can't say I've noticed the pre-emptive use much here, but that may be because I'm so used to that that it doesn't register as notable.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I can swear to we-northerners, but it may be we-Americans as well.

[ritaxis.livejournal.com]

"Excuse me" is used pre-emptively and after-the-fact in the US: it is also used both snarkily and sincerely. Also, I personally say "sorry" sometimes when I'm bumped into, on the grounds that the other person might not have been able to avoid it because of something I did or didn't do, and anyway, it's polite to take a bit more than 50% of the blame for situations in which you may actually be less than 50% responsible. But not when doing so causes some other kind of problem.

[ellarien]

These things are never completely clear-cut, it seems. It may be one of those cases where there are spectra of response on both sides of the ocean, but they don't overlap perfectly and it's the bits that stick out around the edges that cause misunderstandings.

Another way to look at it might be this: what Americans think they do, what Brits think they do, what Americans think Brits do and what Brits think Americans do are at least four different things. (See also, diary/journal/calendar).

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

I've often heard Brits involved in a collision say, "Sorry", both the bumper and the bumpee. I sometimes say, "Sorry" too, even if someone bumps into me, though it does depend on circumstances.

[ellarien]

Americans do that with 'Excuse me,' at least sometimes. And sometimes I'll say 'Sorry,', and they'll say 'Excuse me,' at the same moment, and then I wander off musing about cultural differences.

[lil-shepherd.livejournal.com]

For a full exposition of the English usage of "Sorry" as reflex, see Kate Fox's bestseller Watching the English (which is occasionally a bit doubtful among the people I know, at least, but mostly spot on. The bit about invisible queues - for instance at the bar - is wonderful.)